I’ve been dating a guy for eight months. He always insisted on paying for our appointments, and meals in general, and he didn’t hear my objections. So I relaxed.
But he was not happy with the gift I bought him, and now he finds out that he always pays for our dates. He still wants to take me on a paid trip. I’m not going. Do I have to pay half the trip and go away?
What did this man expect? That you would quietly sweep half the check for eight months in a row until you could buy it a Rolex?
You have already made important decisions: you will not take this trip. You walk away. You just need to help me sort out some details.
I think you should pay half the leave, provided you can afford it without causing yourself financial hardship. This isn’t really about him.
This guy clearly loves to play head games. Even if he treats you to eight months of fancy dates, that doesn’t make you a mind reader. I suspect that even if you gave him a Rolex, he would pick something else from you.
By paying half of that leave, you are putting things right on your mind. It was your friend’s choice to pay for eight months of dates. He is not a victim, although he will insist otherwise.
I would suggest sending him money via Venmo or Paypal before you tell him you won’t be with him. bubble. end of discussion. Don’t open the door to your ex soon enough to understand why you don’t really have to repay him – while at the same time nagging you with guilt over the fact that he paid for it this holiday.
Try to avoid paraphrasing the last eight months. This will turn into an argument that you cannot win with this guy.
Focus on how you feel right now. She no longer enjoys his company as a result of his constant complaints. I think paying to not go on vacation with this guy sends a very strong message. I do wish he heard the message already. But at least it will set things right.
In the future, I would caution against letting someone pay for everything, no matter how insistent they are. Some people may insist on paying the bill for everything because they enjoy treating their partners. But sometimes there is an ulterior motive. It has to do with their egos, or they are setting ridiculous expectations for you in the process. When someone insists on paying 100% of the time for your objections, don’t automatically interpret it as a message of generosity. Listen carefully. They do not hear your objections.
No matter how you approach this discussion, stick to your position. You won’t be dating this guy anymore. This trip is now a one-person vacation.
Robin Hartell is a certified financial planner and senior writer for The Penny Hoarder. Send your tough financial questions to [email protected].